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19th-Aug-2008 02:22 am(no subject)

your life is based on a series of rooms. every room there'll be someone and a story unfolds with that person. you can choose to step into the room upon opening the door, or choose to walk out upon seeing the inhabitant. but at times, we find ourselves tripping into the room n locking the door behind us. and many a times, when people ask us why do we do it, sometimes its alright to answer, "because, i don't know..."
15th-Aug-2008 12:01 am - Tj, malibu, crab and <3
its officially one week aft my exams. been slacking at home most of the week. burying myself in tuition jobs and com games. meeting frens are for the nights and sleeping at earliest 3 am has become a habit. my eye bags are forming but i couldnt care less. my indifference in attitude seems to merge together with me new found solitude loving. i'm literally just wasting time... and i kinda like it. my boring boring life.... with rather interesting people <3
08/08 was beijing olympics day. home cooked rib eye and sirloin wild mushroom style. cuddling on the sofa and soaking in the festive mood of the opening ceremony. occasionally taking in the familiar scent of the approaching weekend.
09/08 probably was a rollercoaster ride. the familiar undercurrents came in a tidal form crashing down on us and sinking away into the horizon leaving much tears and angst. the night got cool with the morning uproar though.

We went to Seafood paradise to eat theri oh-so-famous crab (:


i forgot to take a pic of it when it was served. it was splendidly awesome!!!

this lump like shit actually is coffee pork rib. Which my bf LOVES.

The best nai you xie. sth like carnation milk or condensed milk crab. it is *ucking good. really.

the dong fen was -drools- damn damn damn shiok la the broth.

the aftermath.
it was down to B's place to chill after that.

Pally C

awww.... on mummy's lap (:
10/08 was the day me n cherleste got REALLY high. but not drunk. it was awesome. we finished a whole bottle of malibu (squeals!!!!) and pineapple juice. got our bikinis and jumped into the pool. played cards and laughed. bitched gossiped and laughed so much.

after changing before jumping
my subsequent days till now is really jus slacking and recuperating from the nasty hangover. but no complains. it was awesome (: days at home playing with TJ and struggling to get to tuition on time seems to be wat i wake for... totally nua-ing to the max.

he claims that he's a legs cat.... ya... i'm so sure. i told u everyone digs boobies...

my current phone wallpaper -smiles-
my absolute loves (:
1st-Aug-2008 01:51 pm - one step at a time....

 when we find the reasons why, one step at a time. amazing how it spoke to me. at like 3am in the morning. everything that i could ask for. or should i say that what i used to wish for. it all came falling onto my feet.only then did i realise my stupidity and naivety. if there's such a word. yes i'm confused cos u're all figured out.everything that could be mine is yours. everything that i could ask for, you have. dun get me wrong, you gave me everything i could ever ask for. you were and still are too good to be true. but the consequences of it tagged behind.
and not long after i feel the pressure. i know i should just take one step at a time, there's no need to rush. but tell me how, when everyday i wake you're all i tink about. i've been trying to find the reasons why, how, when, what.but never ever do i feel i've made progress. queer how it took me to see this. silly some might say. i mean this is what i've been dreaming and i'm so close to getting it all. but the need to be on par, to be of standard, to look at myself and feel that i'm compatible... yes the insecurity and incompatibility. you believe that without a doubt
i'll make it, because what is mine would be mine, but that burning sensation of getting it now or figuring it out now at least just seems to be peeling me from skin deep. I know i need to be patient, to have faith, but how. it seems so far away. i'm not rushing, or so i tell myself, i jus need to see that it will come. i need to know how. i need to see that i'm not falling. i need to know that its ok. but then again, how do i convince myself that wat you say is true. if you could only see the way i look at myself in the mirror. the transitions i've been through. the issues i've handled. the departures and arrivals of significant others in my life. though i'm just a speck in this tormented world of strive, am i forgiven for hoping to know it before others? sorry i make an amendment, am i allowed to know now? since almost everyone seems to already know. i'm walking on an aimless pathway with all the stores' 'closed' signs slammed in my face. n yet i still walk. cos i'm feeding on the words that the 'you's have coaxed me with. you may ask y i feel this way, well all i've gotta say is because....

when you're blind, do u trust wat you type because you cant see? if trust and faith comes with the taking away of one's sight,
i'll gladly be blind.

31st-Jul-2008 11:11 pm - issues

there are times when you feel that you've kinda realised or anticipated things to happen, having that nagging feeling deep down. sometimes tt feelings turns out right and sometimes wrong. but most of the time regardless of whether this feelings is right or wrong, its almost always for sth bad. i mean seriously, such gut feelings are only used when times are bad. when u feel that u cant depend on someone else but urself. at times, questions do surface and we just brush it off jus because the tides are smooth. life treats us like fuck really. never does a good ting last for long. i mean seriously, lets take Ms C for example. everything that can be good in her life, is. good looks, good brains, good job, seriously, she's wat every girl wishes to be, the poster girl. u can take it literally actually. oh good bf too. but life HAS to do sth to her in order for it to be fair. her so very wonderful bf flirts around n occasionally have slip offs with girls. escapades i would say. enjoyable nightly escapades. does she know? no. n we all look at her thinking wat a wonderful life she has. i mean, y do we have to go through all this. does everyone's life really have to be this bad. does no one deserve a life that is smooth sailing? even the richest woman have a divorced life. the richest man can have no love but only money sex. the most handsome guy can have difficulty knowing love. the kindest person gets cheated. the sweetest girl gets abused. and to say that when u r a good person, good will befall on you. let me just say that whatever life taught us to believe, its difficult to preach it. to wake everyday and realise that whatever good in your life will be gone jus drags all part of life in you away. pessimistic? morbid? sullen? weird? solemn? well anything goes. but really, jus sit back n ponder. its true. 

so when i say dependency kills, i do mean it. n when ppl say they are commitment phobes do try to understand. cos seriously, which fucking r/s lasts. if whoever tt's reading is in some sweet sailing love life or smooth sailing life in general, do close the page now. cos really, i know u r probably thinking that i'm jus a sad sad sad girl with a sad sad sad life n sad sad sad love life. well actually, i shant comment. but do note how the father or mother of yours loves u whole heartedly but treats another living thing like fuck. or the person u admire or idolise turn out to be some whore, slut or even a druggie or perhaps just someone not tt great. yes, my point being no one is perfect. no one leads a perfect life. nothing is perfect. it sucks i know. especially when u have to see, hear and touch the perfect ting in your life n know that it will be gone one day...

little ffreckled thoughts linger as to whether some will get my point. i'm not a grieving widow. i'm jus being a realist. dreamers would say live your life as it is den. dun fucking care about what happens tml. wow. i'm so sure everyone can achieve that. with insurance planners hacking at your door, with payment bills coming every month. with credit card bills that say dun pay now pay later. seriously, how to just live the day as it is, and NOT think of tml when u know u r alr living a tml from yesterday. it just hurts and aches to see the one ting(s) you love everyday. or perhaps hear it or touch it. only to have that nagging feeling tt one day it'll leave. n the preps for that day jus tags along like a disgusting sensor that signals whenever the slightest bit of wrong takes place. the constant worry, the constant thinking. tiring. tedious. totally draining. but hey, tt's life. with out the bad, how does one know that its good?

i'm just afraid of history. forgetting aint an option cos its carved onto me. i need to let go. but i need to learn how to. and you cant be a trial. you just cant...

24th-Jul-2008 02:57 pm(no subject)
 with TJ lying on my chest while i type this post, i really feel a sense of serenity. but the undeniable thoughs of you, you and you still go zooming pass my already stuffed to the brim problem infested brain. squeezing all the brain cells out, causing my failure in acedemic and my lack of rest and never edning calamity. wow. awesome afternoon.
20th-Jul-2008 06:38 pm(no subject)

and so the start of my solitude begins.
its been 10days without the carrot and things has been going quite very out of hand. i'm very broke from the lack of tuition jobs in june snow-balling over to july thus my crisis. but other thatn tt, i've kinda been in the rut due to some emotional issues. i've not been able to comprehend certain stuff n y its as such but i realise tt i've got no say in it. which hence contributes further to my dismay. ever since the girls came back n left, the carrot went in and came out and sch started once again, life has never been exactly stagnent. but whatever the case i'm really lazy n not in the typing mood to update in detail. i'll stick to the point form way for now...
`korean drama family style
`faulty gifts and crappy reactions
`heaving and sobbing due to some severe misunderstandings
`new addition = TJ
`mummy mode maylene(very unexpected)
`shocking gossip making us gossip girls
`sunshine fendi returned. FINALLY.
`gladiator xena style approach as a form of therapy.
`tom yam maggi mee and OC S3 n S4 daily
`club-bing -bing @ DBL O and Zoukie
`carrot's return making him a pok-pok-poccupine
`dinner/feast (:
`phin's steakhouse
`TJ ga-ga
`Dark Knight escapade
`police necessities
`singapore touring
`Fendi bag surprise (bimbo blur style)
`settler's n tea party night
`running errands
`taking turns to drive so tt either bunlet or pok pok can sleep while we fumble thru changi
`IMM loving
ok i tink tt's basically it. baby and i spent practically every single min we could together. and looking at him botak just makes me chuckle (:
i hope the girls are having fun in europe. i mean OF COURSE they're having fun. sigh. i miss them loads n i tink i'm gonna surprise kerms soon. germ u better date me out before i smack ur boobs (even if its non existent). 
i tink i need to calm down n take tings in my stride. i need to be able to handle issues. issues thrown at me. its like catching knives. its possible, jus dangerous and stressful.

17th-Jul-2008 07:02 pm(no subject)

a korean drama serial.


30th-Jun-2008 10:33 pm(no subject)
I'M BACK!!!!!!!!!!! eat sleep shop repeat (: that's life for me for the last 4 days. awesome? totally (:

i'm really tired of blogging at the moment. i'm into watching online movies now (:

just alil visuals for now. cheers!

waiting for all those last min singaporeans. i speak as if i'm not one of them.... heh.

MY our loot!!!!! woots!!!! all the expensive branded stuff are his k!!!!

he only cares for his watches.... tt's his free watch book. sucks ):

our latest craze. auntie anne's choc eclair. OMG!!!! yummy-choc-coated-kisses (:

the best steals (: miss sixty jeans, banana republic shirts, ed hardy shirts and true religion jeans. we went nuts at the shop (: so damn cheap!!!! and it wasnt FAKE!!!! woohoo!!!

yay! our virgin trip abroad. and we're thinking of phuket and of cos my most coveted trip to S.Africa (: more photos will be up soon!
18th-Jun-2008 04:04 pm(no subject)
taking time off the hideous amount of projects and touch ups to do. i refuse to comment on anything about my projects. except that it FUCKING SUCKS! ok. tt made me feel a tinge better. (NOT!)

16th-Jun-2008 12:01 am(no subject)
maybe we should start somewhere
let me in your heart
Before we fall apart

We don't need to go too far
Let's hold on to who we are
If it's real we'll make it through
Cause all I need is you

i tink i need convincing more.

Maybe we're trying
Trying too hard
Maybe we're torn apart
Maybe the timing
Is beating our hearts
We're empty

And I've even wondered
If we
Should be getting under
These sheets
We could lie in this bed
But its empty
Its empty

but despite the dust and cobwebs,

So tell me can this really work
Or will we end up getting hurt
Is this love or myth
So tell me are you in for this
There's so much than we can see
More than you
More than me
It takes two to believe

i'm one. will you take my hand?

-credit to click 5

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